I suppose it’s fitting that my previous post was called “quitting” because I’m about to quit this free blog and pay money to do litrly the exact same thing but over on my new site That was an easy site migration because WordPress made it so. It’s like ten clicks from export to import. Fantastic.

The domain idea came about as I was getting motivated to plan and document 2017. What better way than to make a website so I can load all of my fancy charts on there and then never update it?

Which also made for a sweet post title of “beginning.”

Anyone that knows me will testify that I am not the most uh…driven person they’ve ever met. I don’t set goals and definitely don’t crush them because that’s not my style. I’m more into “hey that sounds cool let’s try it” and then not putting any effort into succeeding at the things because, again, effort. But something’s changed (hopefully) this time around and that’s meditation. I’m not the best at it (no spiritual enlightenment here) but I’ve been doing it for 5-15 minutes a day for the past few months and it’s been amazing. Near-daily practice has led me to worry less about things, focus on things that are important to me and overall, I’m happier.


Through that practice I’ve decided to try something different.

I’ve never been a 1-5-10 year plan kind of dude because that sounds dumb and takes work. However, I’m going to try it for a 5 month goal and tell myself I’m dumb for trying it. It’s roughly a 5 month event instead of 6, 12, 24, 42 hour, monthly challenge. 1 – 5 year plan lol nope.


Here are my goals that have been “sure let’s try it but not really” goals in the past.

Goals by December 31, 2016


  • 315 back squat
    • Back at 215 5×5 squat aka little bitch
  • 350 deadlift
    • 320 is my PB a few years ago and that felt like it went up easily. I put 325 on and it was like ‘lol nope look at you being a little bitch’
  • Lose 15 pounds
    • Gotta do something about all that beer I drink or drink but mostly not be a little bitch
  • Train for an ultra (nebulous)
    • Need to see how to do this with as little distance running as possible. I’ll have to follow Duennael Gelorme’s plan he did last year successfully. In keeping with the list theme, also not be a little bitch
  • <stuff and things>

There isn’t a penalty for not-completing this goal because in the past, I’ve had financial penalties (donate money to a cause you oppose) and I’ve just paid the money because I’m a terrible person who doesn’t feel bad about not feeling bad. I’m still receiving letters from the RNC asking for more money.

I made a Facebook group for some like-minded individuals who want to plan/dream/explore all the stuff and things and if there is room, have others join you. I’d really like everyone to make a list and timeline(s) of things they want to do and when they will do them so, selfishly, I may see your plans. Mostly though, it’s been fun to see everyone’s plans.

If you’d like to join please click here. It’s a more…serious group and not like the IABY group so uh…less shenanigans in there.

This is likely my final post on this site and I’ll be moving all the posting to my other site. I don’t think I have more than a handful of subscribers though so no big deal I reckon.

Unrelated but related: my buddy Jason told me he reads my posts in my voice/diction/drunkenness and he says it’s funnier that way. But how do people I’ve never talked to read it? Good question, let me know if you’re so inclined. I suppose it’s like me reading someone else’s posts and not having a narrator to it?




It’s like 03:00 and we are “just walking” which is true for many but it’s a good jog for me. Damn near a sprint. It might be height related but mostly, it’s fitness related. Lack of fitness, rather. Maybe I’ll start working out the cardio muscles.

“Here’s a good spot to quit.”

“OK, this next light I’m definitely going to quit.”

“Soon as we crest this hill I’m done.”

“As soon as we down these coupons #donedeal.”

“Nah, definitely not training. Too much work. Also it wouldn’t be fair to these people.”

Those are a few of the thoughts going through my brain.

Actually…those are the only thoughts going through my brain.

the oatmealI’ve found that I’m always thinking about quitting during long movements involving cardio…or “walking” as you people call it, whatever. Especially when at a pace faster than my leisurely stroll during events, from Lights to Heavies or 5Ks to my lone successful 50K endeavor.

Regardless of my talk-about-quitting-but-dont-really-want-to proclivities, I’ve quit at least four events in the past few years. So I guess I’m like 27-4 event career in that regard. Probably more but these four stand out [I’ve quit many other things in my younger years but I’ve since blocked out that trauma ].

  • The first time I quit was HCL001 in Seattle when I didn’t show up for the Challenge because it was cold (dumb reason in hindsight )
  • The second time I quit was at Survival Run: Hunter-Gatherer 50K– my most mentioned-in-person post! I gathered my homemade sandals and quit that sumbitch ten miles/ten hours in. It was hot and I was so over wishing for an injury/death on myself to quit.
  • The third time I quit was actually a Did Not Start (DNS) but screw that, I quit by not showing up again for the Rocky Raccoon 50 Miler. Perhaps I knew subconsciously that I wouldn’t finish. Whether due to not training or it being 50 miles, I didn’t start.
  • The fourth time was a few months later at the Hell’s Hills 50 Miler in Austin. I showed up and ran in my sandals and rocks/12mm sandals don’t work or I had bitch feet and was unconditioned. Either way, no go.
    • In between 1 and 2 I quit the 50K I eventually finished. I quit on laps 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

So I’ve some experience in quitting and it’s not fun. Since then, I’ve let go any anger I’ve had toward myself for being a little bitch from quitting those events but it’s still there in the back of my mind. Some cadre at GORUCK have said that quitting is forever and it’s a stink you can’t wash off. It’s harsh but it’s also true; also cadre be dropping some truth bombs at these events, damn.

But you can’t let that be the end of the story.

You gotta fight back and what helps is you can listen to 80s songs and montages.

Like this bad boy here because “Miyagi have hope for you”:

Try to be best
‘Cause you’re only a man
And a man’s gotta learn to take it
Try to believe
Though the going gets rough
That you gotta hang tough to make it
History repeats itself
Try and you’ll succeed
Never doubt that you’re the one
And you can have your dreams!
You’re the best!
 – Joe Esposito

There’s also these sweet music quotes/action movie songs from the 80s mixes:

Blood Bros Vols 1-3

I’ve had lots of conversations with people about quitting. I quit my first HCL aka didn’t show up to the Challenge ’cause it was cold as hell. Others have quit due to bitch feet or injury but quitting is a part of life. Maybe not yours and definitely not his. Want to know who doesn’t quit? Check this out:

deathraceLook at this dude right here. That face has “kill me now so I can stop running” all over it. Talk about a gutsy performance. I’m pretty sure the writers of Armageddon time traveled to the future and saw this picture and were inspired to model Harry Stamper after Eric. I’d have quit if I looked this bad…just saying. But no, not mister “all go, no quit Harry Stamper” though. That dude don’t know what it means to quit. I mean, did you see Armageddon? Dude blew himself up (sorry for spoilers but not really it’s an old movie).

large_armageddon_blu-ray12That’s not a quitter right there.

One of my favorite parts of these events is being pushed to the point where you want to quit and you don’t know if you will make it – and you just hang out at that limit, that edge for a few hours 00:01-24:00 hours if I’m being honest. This point is stressed when we are doing cardio. I can deal with the PT pretty much all day. Not because I’m a PT Hero (obviously) but I mean, because I can cheat some reps and it doesn’t make me want to quit as much as a slight jog does. Push ups, squats, flutter kicks, eh, it sucks but doesn’t make you want to quit. Walking at a brisk pace…hardest event in the world.

So why do something that makes you want to quit? That you don’t know that you can even finish? One, I like to hear myself talk. Whenever it’s the middle of the night and everyone has their poopy faces on (guilty as well) I like to crack a joke and usually it’s to make myself realize that whatever “this” is we’re doing, it’s not that bad. It’s not always funny and I’m sure everyone wants me to shut the hell up but whatever. Two, I’ve found that I like to hang out on that edge of quitting where it sounds like a not-bad proposition. There’s a feeling where you’re all “hell yeah, quitting would be amazing right now. I could go back home and drink some Lime-a-ritas and not do this shit” and then you power through those feelings because you ain’t no bitch (usually).

nobody_caresI’ve heard from others that they would not do an event where they were unsure they would finish or couldn’t do it the way they want to – not running the whole half, not enough training time, I’m Bee Yang, etc. What’s the point in that? I get it, I guess. You want to make sure you’re perfectly prepared for it but shit, that ain’t going to happen most of the time. I always show up under trained and under prepared but that’s on me. If I waited until I was perfectly ready, I’d never do anything (resume, working out, big list, lots of words).

I will rectify that for my next event (Bomber Bash Light) and yeah, it’s just a Light and how hard could it be? I will be more prepared for it, and well, LIFE mofos.


life list

You ever make a life list? Bucket list? I didn’t know that was a thing until the movie came out and I was like “damn, bucket list sounds much better than life list” but I made my decision so I’m sticking with it. I used to have one with a bunch of weirdo things on it but now I have one with…less…weirdo things on it? I was chatting with Eric Wang worst ang and Sam All best ll and a few others this week and my takeaway is that shit, I’m going to die alone so I might as well do all the things I want.

Here’s the list in no discernible order because well, thoughts:

  • Do resume – send help, thx
  • Visit all 50 states (driving through counts)
    • Visit all 254 counties in Texas (lol nope)
  • Climb Mount Everest  
    • I stayed in Breckenridge once for a few days and got altitude sickness at 8000′ and Everest Base Camp is at like 19K so lol nope.
    • Into Thin Air
    • Also cost and generally being in shape. Plus it’s cold.
  • 7 continents
    • Need to train for a half marathon in Antarctica…I’d be down with a 5k or something shorter. Like just walking around on it for a minute.
    • Africa, Antarctica, Asia, Australia, Europe, North America, South America
  • 5 oceans
    • Been in the Pacific, Atlantic. Need Indian, Arctic and Southern (but not swimming ’cause dumb)
    • I didn’t know there were 5 until I saw a commercial last year
    • Southern Ocean newest cean
  • See Northern Lights
  • Be awake for 24 hours (sup GORUCK Heavy)
  • Various cities
    • Paris
    • New York City
    • London (layover so…maybe?)
    • Berlin
    • Moscow
    • Washington, D.C.
    • Rome
    • Sydney
    • Tokyo
    • Seattle
  • Yellowstone (2017! BOOK IT)
  • Go into SPACE
  • Eat a fancy meal
  • Polar Bear Plunge
  • stuff and things

Where do you want to go today? Tomorrow? Next month? Year? What do you want to do? A lot of this was brought on by having a conversation about death. Last month our friend Momma Stump passed and it made me stop and think about death again. Did you live the life you wanted? Achieve all your dreams? Find happiness? Who knows? Hell, it’s my life, I guess I would know. Maybe, maybe not. I reckon it’s best to think about these things now, while you’re awake and conscious and able to think about it rather than to put it off later [note: make Will, living will and all that…later].

I changed my mindset about this sometime in high school or college, and this is embarrassing to admit, by reading one of those “fw:fw:fw:old people notes” emails that you’d always get and it would have lots of hokey advice like tell people you love and care about them, change your underwear, don’t save cologne for special occasions because every day is a special gift and shit like that. Very hokey but also…reasonable.

Damned if I don’t try to appreciate things daily.

Peter Andrada made a good post a few months ago about you living until whatever age and counting back as a countdown of sorts until you die. Do some math (or plug it into a handy online calculator) with the assumption of you living to 70 years old and I’ve essentially lived 50% of my life. From that, I’ve lived 12,630 days and if I die on my birthday at 70, it’s 12,939 days until I kick the bucket [edit: I’m not bummed or sad that I’m numerically halfway through my life, just something to acknowledge for this exercise. Thanks Joe!]. I’d better get after it, right after this nap.

I’m not going to tell you how to live your life but I will try because you’re not going to read this anyway so here goes: appreciate all the things in life because you are going to die. It might be from old age, it might be from some terrorist shitbag who will plow into you while you’re out celebrating. It doesn’t even have to be a terrorist. Somebody could be playing Pokemon and walk out into the street ahead of you can you swerve and end up in a ditch. Game over.


If someone is being mean to you regularly, you don’t need that shit in your life. You can fire them from your life. If I’m mean to you regularly, let me know and then fire me from your life. But keep in mind you can get fired, too. I’m going to fire a shitload of you people.

So go out and do all the things, or not, it’s your life.

Perhaps your life wants you to YELLOWSTONE 2017…maybe Belize, let me know!

crushing life

crushing life

I don’t have the most amazing life out there and certainly, it could be improved upon in many areas. I’m not the tallest, best looking, get to travel as much as I’d like, could stand to lose 5…35 pounds and I don’t actually know where I’m going with this line (other than to counseling) but for this past weekend I feel as though I absolutely crushed life. To me, that doesn’t mean you have the nicest things, the best Internet-curated-life or to even necessarily do all of the things you want to do (bet it’d be fun though) but it means to live your life, your way, mindful of all the amazing things in it already.

Me mindfully appreciating Sam
This weekend we had the First-and-Last-Annual Officially Dumb event in Euless and it came about because one night I got drunk and wanted to do an event in Euless so I asked GORUCK and it was like some serious coin for a custom Light and lol nope not gonna happen. So I asked my homeboy David if he’d like to help me run a free event with all monies going to charity and I could have my friends come over and we’d do the dumb things together.

This wasn’t a planning session but this is how they literally all looked.
Initially I wanted it to be a small group of 6-8 people who would eventually hate life and everything in it but apparently that’s not a good marketing strategy (thanks Catrine!) so I expanded it and made it a little bit easier. By “made” I mean “hey Dave please don’t kill us k thx” and I guess he didn’t so we did the thing that I’d come to regret trying to do.

I was posing.
I say “regret” trying to run an event because one… I’m lazy. That’s pretty much it. I mean, there’s little to no work involved save for setting a date, time and having David coordinate the PT so I’m not sure what I was bitching about but according to Linda that’s in my wheelhouse.

appreciate the support homegirl
I asked some peeps and a few said they were interested so after getting some pro-tips from Jimmie I decided to start this at 04:00 on Saturday (heat reasons) and people were like ‘nah’ and I was like ‘yah’ and so it was. So Friday night we were drinking all of the beers and knock on the door Cristina shows up from out of nowhere (Miami actually) and the night just gets more fun. She brings these hideous shirts that people have ordered and they are just as ugly as when she showed us proofs online but hey, friends are here! Sam and Jill show up from Tulsa and I actually don’t remember most of the night because I was hydrating with beers for the shenanigans about to ensue.

So the event details aren’t important because they almost never are but there was sweating, cursing my name, PT, beer, vomiting, carrying things, team building and low crawls with your hand behind your back!

I was like hey we are going to low crawl with our hands behind our back across this volleyball court. Patrick said to demonstrate so I started and then all eleven people were like “nah we’re good bro” and then they started kicking dirt on me. Then they grabbed my leg, pinned my hands behind my back, opened my shirt and shorts and dumped sand on me.



Pat apologizing for putting dirt on me so we hugged it out.
Pat volunteering to be the first in the sand pit next time.
So we endexed and covered five miles over five hours and it was absolutely fun. I spent quite a bit of time trying to enjoy my time with my friends who took the time out of their busy lives to come to my corner of the world sand spend some time with us. To be in the moment, as it were. Even when the moment meant digging dirt out of my shorts because that’s where they put the most of it. It was put there with love and not to be mean, right?

Thanks for this great shot, Evan!
I got stole this from cadre Marcus where he said “family is the family you’re born with. Friends are the family you choose.” Kinda hokey but I can say unequivocally that I have a great family.

Fuzzy’s is the best post-event.
Thanks again to Nick, Tonya, Tonya’s brother whose name eludes me even though I asked him 10x, Duennael Gelorme, Madeline, Evan, David, Samantha, Patrick, Houy, Christina, Chase, Jill, Cristina best Ina and Sam. Well, except maybe the giant bear of a dude on the left. Just kidding Sam, you’re cool people.

Where does the shirt stop and where does Bee start?
So I guess living my life, my way, mindful and appreciative of the amazing things in it means to spend quality time with my friends forming great memories (save for Friday night). We ate, we drank, we did dumb things like PT in the middle of the night and ran backwards and well, just had a good time.
Thank you, each and every one of you. Those who came out, those who donated and those who inspire others to crush life. Shine on mofos!!

Also my friends inspired random strangers at a grocery store to stop and tell them they lived the shirts. litrly the worst shirts.

shine on mofos


After close to four years of grey manning I finally got a SCARS patch! RIP babby’s first ruck.

Roughly 20 events with that particular GR1 and it’s taken me to:






Ft. Worth

Oklahoma City


Washington DC

New Orleans


I will say that without getting…how you say, blackout drunk, signing up for my first event (and what I thought knew was going to be my last event about 3 hours into it…lol) and buying this bag that I would not have gone on all of those adventures to those cities I’ve always dreamed about in this short period of time.
You could say I’m pretty happy with that purchase. Not because it’s a cool bag and can hold all my stuff but because it helped me meet a ton of amazing people. I don’t actually like any of them but I pretend to so they can insult me and call mean things on the Facebooks ’cause I like the attention I guess. Another reason I don’t like them is they’re also really, really expensive to hang out with. We can’t like, just watch TV or something. If I want to see them I’ve gotta get flights, hotels, pay for events and there’s possibly a bar tab to cover but that last one is a wash because I might be doing that anyway… maybe.


So I read The Art of Happiness a while ago and I want to say it talked about being thankful for whatever object comes into your life (I could be misattributing this). That you should tell that object, or perhaps acknowledge internally, that the object is going to be with you for a finite amount of time and that you should thank it for the time you’re going to spend with it. It’s hokey as shit, I know, but I did it with that ruck and lots of other things and what do you know, when it’s time to let go it’s a lot easier. I do that with nearly everything I buy now. So I sent my ruck to scars and may have included some fancy beer when I returned it and they wrote me a nice letter and gave me some free swag but the beer isn’t mandatory and more of a thank you.

Farewell, first bag-as-a-backpack, hello dismembered-corpse-of-a-first-bag-as-a-sweet-wire-holder-thing!!

meditation best ation

A few months ago I started listening to this podcast called 10% Happier by Dan Harris. Dan and it got me interested in meditation and meditating um…infrequently. It’s a great podcast where he talks about what got him into meditation (panic attack on-air while hosting some popular TV show), his practice and interviews other meditation practitioners. He also takes a skeptical approach to it and it’s cool that he is Buddhist (but not smells and bells type) so I can relate to some of his approach.

before and after meditation (I’m lying)

For my personal practice and “sit” time, I started out aiming for a five minute session once a day. That first day of the first week was awesome. I woke up at 04:30, set my phone timer for five minutes and sat on the ground. This is not a verbatim transcript but it might as well have been of my first sit – “OK be cool. You got this. Five minutes is easy. Unless you’re in front leaning rest (push ups) with your ruck on. Or even with your ruck off. I need more push ups in my life. Man, is five minutes up yet?” I glance at the timer. Litrly 30 seconds have passed. This isn’t going to go well. More thoughts like that enter and exit my mind and it turns out, that’s OK.

One of the persons interviewed said that, with this kind of meditating (as opposed to transcendental meditation ‘TM’) that whatever it is that pops into your brain, you acknowledge it, and let the thought go on about its way. No need to clear your mind because that’s not easy at this level of meditating.

So roughly 8 weeks into it, I’m caught up with the podcast (haven’t listened to the guided meditation app that he has as well) and when I sit, it’s five minutes (8 minutes when I’m feeling saucy) and the results are pretty good.

  • I’m less stressed.
  • I care less about things.
  • Things that do bother me bother me less.
  • I am quicker to apologize to people.
  • More appreciative of people in my life.
  • Go Cowboys

For those that know me, they know that I have a relatively easy going demeanor. I don’t actually interact with people outside of chat groups or messaging apps so they may not be able to tell but I feel less assholish (asholey? ). Maybe not to them.

All of that is just to say that Ed is a jerk and I hate him.IMG_0528


I remember reading Ed’s Death Race review and he talked about meditating on top of a parking garage like a weirdo so I never paid it much mind. But he reached out to me yesterday to see if I’d be interested in “running” a meditation challenge for the month. I’d been kicking that idea around in my head because that’s easier than running a 100 miles but didn’t think anyone would be interested but Ed can read minds now, apparently. Meditation – It Just Works™


So how about it, 31 days of meditation? How hard could it be?

  • 5 minutes a day the first week
  • 10 minutes a day the second week
  • 15 minutes a day the third week
  • 20 minutes a day the fourth week

350 minutes for the month of July (1-28) or 410 if you think you’re a bad enough dude to meditate with yourself. I won’t guarantee that it will work for you because most of you who read this are jerks for reasons but it’s a good way to test the body and mind.

I’ve included a simple chart for you to check off your meditating. Remember like everything else in life, this is a competition so the harder you meditate the more you win. Kidding.

5 Friday 01-Jul
5 Saturday 02-Jul
5 Sunday 03-Jul
5 Monday 04-Jul
5 Tuesday 05-Jul
5 Wednesday 06-Jul
5 Thursday 07-Jul
10 Friday 08-Jul
10 Saturday 09-Jul
10 Sunday 10-Jul
10 Monday 11-Jul
10 Tuesday 12-Jul
10 Wednesday 13-Jul
10 Thursday 14-Jul
15 Friday 15-Jul
15 Saturday 16-Jul
15 Sunday 17-Jul
15 Monday 18-Jul
15 Tuesday 19-Jul
15 Wednesday 20-Jul
15 Thursday 21-Jul
20 Friday 22-Jul
20 Saturday 23-Jul
20 Sunday 24-Jul
20 Monday 25-Jul
20 Tuesday 26-Jul
20 Wednesday 27-Jul
20 Thursday 28-Jul
20 Friday 29-Jul
20 Saturday 30-Jul
20 Sunday 31-Jul

Facebook event!!!!

Big Cinnamon

Big Cinnamon

Turns out that if you do enough of these events in your life, you meet some cool people and forge some wonderful friendships. I mean, I guess I could just go out and socialize with the unwashed masses but that requires going outside just to go outside so…no. With friendship come memories, memories of hating life while carrying things, lending a helping hand or just talking to someone. In Denver, I was fortunate enough to spend a lot of time with my GORUCK bff and travel buddy Jenks. He is a pretty cool dude (obv you have to be if you want to roll with me) and what better way to learn about him than through out-of-context quotes??

“Bee I don’t need you to tell me how to drive. I need you to tell me where to drive.”

“Oakley’s are awesome until you take them out of the box. Or use them outside. Or wipe the fingerprints off and you have one grain of sand on your T-shirt.”
“Jenks you have two 280/281 patches in here.” -bee

“Yeah I bought four of those because I thought I was never going to do another one again.”

“Two minutes of heaven is better than…two minutes of not heaven.”
*sees Brian putting cinnamon in his coffee*
“I don’t do life changing things often, but when I do, I do them on a whim.”

*immediately dumps too much cinnamon in his coffee*

“Big Cinnamon. Military Cinammon Industrial Complex. We’ve fought wars over cinnamon.”

“I have this medical condition that precludes me from seeing hipsters.”

*tries to run over hipster in crosswalk*
However, my favorite comment/quote of the last two months though has to be after DC Heavy –